Whatever

This morning something happened. I asked my oldest child if there were any songs he wanted to listen to on the way to school...like I do every morning. I let them all put in a request for a song and we sing and dance and act ridiculous on the way to school. Because we they are kids and kids like to sing and have fun. But this morning my oldest didn't pick a song. He said he didn't care, that he didn't like listening to music.

First of all...what? Everyone likes music. Toddlers and grandparents and athletes and serial killers and fishermen...EVERYONE likes music. Second of all...WHAT?!?!

I didn't push the matter, even though I wanted to drop him off on the side of the highway and force him to sing his way home. I just thought maybe he was grouchy. That's where the thought train left its station. Then it went something like this...ya know, he has been kinda grouchy lately...actually he's been REALLY grouchy lately...he refused to tell me he loved me when I dropped him off at school the other day...he always gives one word answers when I ask about his day...now he doesn't "like" music...

And this is the part of the story where my thought train slams into its destination...

OH.MY.GOSH.   ...  My son is growing up.

Not growing up like, "aww, he says 'puppy'!" And not growing up like, "man, he can tie his shoes all by himself!" But like GROWING UP!

Growing up as in away from me. Away from being a kid into being a young man. Away from "I love you" at the carline. Away from picking "Elevator" or "Firework" to sing on the way to school in the morning. Away from giving me a detailed description of his day.

Up until this point, I've always thought that I loved every age and every stage. Each one has had its own challenges and its own excitement. But the thing each stage had in common was ME. I was still a major part of every stage. That is changing now. It's not all about being with mama anymore...and that just plain bites. It bites hairy monkey tails...STINKY hairy monkey tails.

I think I'm finally starting to truly understand this notion of "enjoy them while they're little because it goes by so fast." We ALL say it. We say it ALL the time. I've said it thousands of times..."they grow up so quickly." But I never really GOT it, because mine were still small. Growing, changing, developing but still just little kids. Little kids who needed and wanted me, no matter what. That kind of growing up is fun. It's fun watching them learn to crawl alone, walk alone, get dressed alone...going potty alone is SUPER fun. It's exciting the first time they get on that big yellow school bus. It's exciting when they give their first talk in Primary or when they play in their first soccer game. Milestones are exciting because they are growing up...but not away. They want to share every new development with you and it is so freaking fun and incredible.

This new growing away thing? I do not think it's freaking fun or incredible.

Now I know this is going to happen and I know it's the way it works but I am not sure I was ready for it and now that we are on this path, I am feeling pretty sure there aren't any U-turns. We are in it now...the growing away stage. And all I can say is...WHAT-EVER!

***PS. I decided, after having an adequate pity party, that I wasn't just going to roll over and take this. Who's driving this bus anyway? That's right, I AM! DAGNABIT! I will decide when this little wolf cub leaves the den, ME! And I am happy to announce that I got an "I love you more" this afternoon. Yes, I did. I am still in the game. Bow-chick-a-wow-wow!