Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Baithing Suit Shopping and Johnny Cash

Today I took my kids...all of my kids...bathing suit shopping. This was the worst idea I've ever had in my entire life. Ever.

Seriously, a double stroller, a three-year-old wearing a monkey leash and dragging a seriously shnasty "lovie", a shop-a-holic daughter and two boys who daylight as ninjas...what in the WORLD was I thinking?

I was thinking that we need new bathing suits. First of all my oldest's suit is a 5T. My oldest is turning 10 in a few months. Yeah. That's not even the worst of it. These suits need replacing...big time. They have a swimming engagement to attend this weekend so I figure, now or never. I maybe should have picked never.

We stopped first at the boys section, where we encountered our first catastrophe in the form of a dramatic lack of angry bird options. There were none, not a single wingless robin with an attitude to be found. It was tragic. I suggested a few very nice shark suits...they even came with goggles. GOGGLES! That's like swim-time gold for kids. At least, it was when I was a kid and it can't have changed that much...right?

But we don't want sharks, we want angry birds. So I make the mistake of suggesting we try another store. Leave the store WITHOUT a bathing suit that we don't like?!?!? THE HORROR!!!

We got shark suit number one.

Then my second child picked the ONLY suit that they didn't have in his size. Seriously. Racks and racks of suits in his size...he wants the one that only comes in a XXXXL. No amount of cinching is gonna help that.

We settle on shark suit number two...but not the same as number one because matching suits? "Mom, that is so lame, we aren't twins!"

On to the girl. Here's where it gets super fun. While there is one little section of suits for the boys, there are like twelve for girls. This is a big pet peeve of mine by the way...but we'll talk about that another time.

We pick out about seven suits to try on. They have some seriously cute suits. There were some I wouldn't mind having in my size. Some had some precious little ruffles, one came with a matching swim skirt, darling little things. She also insists on trying on a few that are less cute but whatever, I know that ultimately good taste will prevail and she'll pick one of the adorable suits to take home.

So then the real fun begins...the dressing room. Someday, when I've had time to process things and possibly have some therapy sessions, I might blog about that whole scene. But for now I will skip ahead...

After an epic, drag-me-across-the-floor-by-the-monkey-leash meltdown from Nathan because he couldn't try on his bathing suit, the kids FINALLY come out with their proper suits but then it comes time for the princess to make her final selection.

Seven suits ya'll. Which one does she pick? The tackiest bathing suit I have ever seen. Seriously you's like a swim wear nightmare. Neon rainbow leopard print with a neon blue ruffle. You couldn't design something that is more not-me if you tried. Yes, I know it's not my suit but when you have five sons and only one daughter perhaps you'll understand. Don't judge me. So I force a smile, try once more to gently encourage her to pick the paisley one with the matching skirt. No dice. So off we go with Lisa Frank's swim gear, three shark suits, a fussing Nugget and dragging a still sobbing Nathan who is now distraught that we are not buying any toys.

We finally made it to the van, loaded up and headed home with our treasures. I am not bathing suit shopping for five years.

Oh...Johnny Cash has absolutely nothing to do with bathing suit shopping. Mike was singing "A Boy Named Sue" to Niblet, which was actually really adorable. Positive way to end a traumatic trip to Kohl' cream and Johnny Cash.

Sunday, March 10, 2013

How Do You Celebrate a Birthday in Heaven?

With food and cake and balloons of course. How else would you celebrate a birthday, I ask you...

Today is my mom's birthday. My kids call her "Grandma in Heaven", so today is Grandma in Heaven's birthday. And just like every year on her birthday, we celebrated.

First there is our traditional birthday dinner. When I was growing up and my dad would go out of town, my mom would always make the same dinner- hot dogs, baked beans and egg noodles with garlic salt. Turns out this is a tradition from her family too. Mom made her hotdogs in the frying pan, so did Grandma McKenna. I have to boil mine because the kids freak out politely request there be no black stuff on their hot dogs. Other than that, we keep with traditional preparation methods.

Can't ya smell those dogs? Yum.

Next, we make a card and send it to Heaven via balloon. This year was a little more emotional. For me? Probably hormones/sleep deprivation/missing my mom/watching my children send messages to their grandma. For Nathan and Tyler it was the loss of their beloved giant balloon.

Saying "Happy Birthay!" to Grandma...
Then we keep watching it fly off to Heaven...
Until it gets all the way there and we can't see it anymore.

And there is a philosophy that my mother and I shared throughout my childhood. It's very profound and very important and philosophicalish. You might want to get a pen and write this down, because it's just that inspiring. This is it...
When all is said and done, if you can find any reason, excuse or occasion to eat should do it.

Happy Birthday Mama. I'm so thankful to be your daughter and, as you can see, I am as bad at decorating cakes as you were at making pie crusts.