Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Lessons from Lambs Ears

Several weeks ago I had the unpleasant task of having to cut back my lamb's ears. They had pretty much taken over my garden, were as tall as my azaleas and they were actually so large that they were starting to die. After consulting with a master gardener, I was told that they were probably too big for the root system to support them, I would have to cut them back, removing all those tall and glorious flowers and any part of the plant that was dead.

As I got going into this project I was horrified to discover just how much of the plant needed to go. There was an entire section in the middle that was decaying...."the heart" of my lamb's ear was dead and had to go.

It seriously broke my heart to have to cut and up-root my poor lamb's ear. I have watched these plants grow from small little potted plants to a muscle man of a plant, covering over half my garden floor now.

It was so difficult to go and essentially UNDO everything that had been worked for, all that time and effort growing, only for me to come along and chop it. As hard as it would have been for that plant, it was EXCRUCIATING for me, who loved and cared for this plant.

It got me thinking and wondering, is this how our Heavenly Father feels when He gives us trials? Does he sometimes have to "cut back" a little of us so that we can thrive and grow? How it must hurt Him to see us work so hard and then have to take away what we have worked for, knowing all along that we need that in order to be healthy and become the best we can be, but also knowing that we don't understand that.

What I really have learned though, comes from the results. My lamb's ears, who looked pretty pitiful for a while after their pruning, didn't just give up and decide it wasn't worth it anymore. They didn't just lay there and wither. They have started over. Where they were cut, new buds are forming. They are having to start over from the beginning but that's just what they do. They somehow, someway, just keep going. Not only that, but they have spread, planting new seeds in other places, I have little tiny lamb's ears EVERYWHERE! The plants are healthy again, now that they don't have those beautiful things weighing them down.

I guess, sometimes it has to hurt a little, we have to lose something in order to be the best we can be. I guess we just pick up where we left off and keep trying, even though we have to start over again....we just keep growing.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

"Not Goodbye, See You Later"

I wanted to give a little update on things in the Ramsey Family.

It has been 4 days since our miscarriage. Hearts still mending, tears still flowing, moments of calm and moments of complete hysteria. :)
More than anything else that I have felt, much more than grief, sorrow and pain, is the love of my Heavenly Father and His hand in my life. I love the scripture from the Book of Mormon in 1Nephi 11:16-17 : "And he said unto me, Knowest thou the condescension of God? And I said unto him, I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things."
I likewise do not know all the answers. I don't know why sometimes God delivers us and sometimes allows us to suffer. I don't know what purpose is served through the trials that our little family is going through. But I do know that God loves me. Because I know this, I know that His plan for me is real and that it is just.

On the medical side, our doctor believes that the two miscarriages are not related. She thinks that our chances of conceiving again quickly and carrying to term are excellent. In her words, she is "supremely confident that we will be able to have more children and soon. " While this might not always be the case, Mike and I have both felt strongly that this spirit is still coming to our family. I love the movie John Q with the little boy who will never say goodbye because he "hates goodbyes" so he always says, "see you later." For me, this miscarriage was not a goodbye but a "see you later" (and might I add soon...HOPEFULLY).

The d&c went well. I am thankful for modern medicine. I don't remember anything and have felt very little pain, physically.

We have also been so blessed to have so many wonderful friends and family members. We have felt the love and prayers of many fall upon our shoulders, bringing relief to the burdens and renewing our strength. We love you all and are thankful for all you do for our family.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

A Sad Day

We found out today that our little "cakester" is not quite ready to come to our family.

I will be going in either tomorrow or Thursday to have a D&C done.

We are all so heartbroken and sad. There are no words. It is so hard to understand these things. We love our children, we wanted this baby for so long. It had been such a struggle to bring our fourth child and now to face and second loss is so devastating.

We are all doing our best to press on, trying to have faith in the Lord and His plan. Thank you all for your prayers. We will all be okay sometime, just not right now. :*(

Monday, July 7, 2008

Prayer Request

I wanted to ask you all if you would please keep our little family in your prayers.
This morning I started spotting, it has been increasing throughout the day. I also heard from the dr's office reguarding my recent lab work and my beta levels were lower than they should be at this point.
It seems we may be headed for another heartbreak.
This has been such a challenge for our little family, especially for me. The thought of facing another devestating miscarriage is so frightening and my heart truly breaks. We are trying very hard to hope for the best but unfortunately, it's just so hard to not fear, and even expect, the worst.
We would appreciate your prayers. I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for me, for my family, for our baby. Somehow, I know we will make it.