Baithing Suit Shopping and Johnny Cash

Today I took my kids...all of my kids...bathing suit shopping. This was the worst idea I've ever had in my entire life. Ever.

Seriously, a double stroller, a three-year-old wearing a monkey leash and dragging a seriously shnasty "lovie", a shop-a-holic daughter and two boys who daylight as ninjas...what in the WORLD was I thinking?

I was thinking that we need new bathing suits. First of all my oldest's suit is a 5T. My oldest is turning 10 in a few months. Yeah. That's not even the worst of it. These suits need replacing...big time. They have a swimming engagement to attend this weekend so I figure, now or never. I maybe should have picked never.

We stopped first at the boys section, where we encountered our first catastrophe in the form of a dramatic lack of angry bird options. There were none, not a single wingless robin with an attitude to be found. It was tragic. I suggested a few very nice shark suits...they even came with goggles. GOGGLES! That's like swim-time gold for kids. At least, it was when I was a kid and it can't have changed that much...right?

But we don't want sharks, we want angry birds. So I make the mistake of suggesting we try another store. Oh.my.gosh. Leave the store WITHOUT a bathing suit that we don't like?!?!? THE HORROR!!!

We got shark suit number one.

Then my second child picked the ONLY suit that they didn't have in his size. Seriously. Racks and racks of suits in his size...he wants the one that only comes in a XXXXL. No amount of cinching is gonna help that.

We settle on shark suit number two...but not the same as number one because matching suits? "Mom, that is so lame, we aren't twins!"

On to the girl. Here's where it gets super fun. While there is one little section of suits for the boys, there are like twelve for girls. This is a big pet peeve of mine by the way...but we'll talk about that another time.

We pick out about seven suits to try on. They have some seriously cute suits. There were some I wouldn't mind having in my size. Some had some precious little ruffles, one came with a matching swim skirt, darling little things. She also insists on trying on a few that are less cute but whatever, I know that ultimately good taste will prevail and she'll pick one of the adorable suits to take home.

So then the real fun begins...the dressing room. Someday, when I've had time to process things and possibly have some therapy sessions, I might blog about that whole scene. But for now I will skip ahead...

After an epic, drag-me-across-the-floor-by-the-monkey-leash meltdown from Nathan because he couldn't try on his bathing suit, the kids FINALLY come out with their proper suits but then it comes time for the princess to make her final selection.

Seven suits ya'll. Which one does she pick? The tackiest bathing suit I have ever seen. Seriously you guys...it's like a swim wear nightmare. Neon rainbow leopard print with a neon blue ruffle. You couldn't design something that is more not-me if you tried. Yes, I know it's not my suit but when you have five sons and only one daughter perhaps you'll understand. Don't judge me. So I force a smile, try once more to gently encourage her to pick the paisley one with the matching skirt. No dice. So off we go with Lisa Frank's swim gear, three shark suits, a fussing Nugget and dragging a still sobbing Nathan who is now distraught that we are not buying any toys.

We finally made it to the van, loaded up and headed home with our treasures. I am not bathing suit shopping for five years.

Oh...Johnny Cash has absolutely nothing to do with bathing suit shopping. Mike was singing "A Boy Named Sue" to Niblet, which was actually really adorable. Positive way to end a traumatic trip to Kohl's...ice cream and Johnny Cash.