Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Next Project: The Reinvention of the Grocery Store

Item number one: the new and improved grocery cart. You know it had to be a man who created our standard grocery cart...a woman would have made solid bottoms so that nail polish and eye shadows wouldn't fall out of the holes. My grocery cart will have a solid bottom. The biggest changes will be wrought in the child-friendly carts. Most of the ones you see today have the little car on the front with two seats.This is insufficient. While my store will continue to have the standard car version, we will also carry a modified version which will have a little mini-van on the front which will accommodate four children instead of two. In addition, the size of the basket will be increased (deeper and wider)because seriously, if I have enough kids to negate a cart of this size, what are the chances that I only need a small basket's worth of groceries?? Anytime I go to the store I end up with groceries stacked on top of the little car, hanging out the sides of the basket and stuffed up underneath...but no more! Space will abound in my new grocery-cart masterpiece. And finally, the piece de resistance...the decontamination chamber. All carts must drive through it between each use so as to keep them sanitary and sparkling.
Item number two: the isles. Gone are the days of bumping into multiple poorly-placed display stands. The isles will be wider (3 carts wide to be exact which will be much needed with our new family-friendly carts) and clear of displays. It will also involve a two-way traffic system with a passing lane in the middle.
Item number three: the layout. Why is it that produce and bakery reside on one end and then the frozen foods are on the opposite end. If you get your frozen foods first then they are thawing by the time you reach the fresh goods. If you get your fresh foods first they will be smooshed by canned goods and cereal before you can get to the frozens. So in my superbly set up grocery store, we will have the bakery and fresh produce next to the frozen foods....thus eliminating the dilemma that faces every well-meaning shopper.
We shall call it "The Store of Wonders".

8 comments:

Picture Perfect said...

Where do I sign up??

Jenny said...

Brilliant! That's my kind of grocery store.

Elisabeth A. said...

I'm in!!! We should start the business! I can never figure out why the eggs are never where you think they should be (next to the cheese, yogurt, milk, etc.) and somehow end up hanging out with the hot dogs! Can we fix that too? Love you... you're too cute!

hizbeccabutterfly said...

I needed to read this today...so funny and so true.

Kelli @ writing the waves said...

This is awesome! We need to make up a petition, create a proposal, SOMETHING!!! Seriously. A man must have designed those stores and the carts too. A man with no kids and no common sense.

Cecily R said...

Three cart wide aisles...bliss. :)

Terri said...

Awesome! I would love that store!

Fenton Family Journal said...

Hahaha. I would totally shop there! Sounds like my kind of store - in, get what you need, get out and on the the next item on my never ending to-do list!