I have been a mother of six for an entire week now...let's just take a moment to let that sink in.
When you're a mother, your life is pretty much nothing but questions. I ask a lot of questions. "Is this normal?" "Is he/she okay?" "Did he eat enough?" "Did he eat too much?" You would think I'd have this baby thing on lock down by now but hand me a newborn and it's like the first time all over again. That excitement and panic and overall "Can I DO this?!?" feeling.
I also get asked a lot of questions. In fact, when I'm not asking myself questions, someone else is asking me questions. I am not sure I'd know what to do with myself if I wasn't answering someones questions... What was that?
I get asked questions by everyone. My kids. My husband. People at Church. Random people on the street. Even in the hospital, when I'm breathing through a contraction someone asked me to rate my pain on a scale of 1 to 10. I hate that question. I told him/her that. I don't freaking know. It hurts. This was not an acceptable answer...so they asked me AGAIN. MORE questions!
One big question I get (rather frequently actually) is "how do you do it?"
I kind of hate this question too, only because I really don't know how to answer it. I don't know what people are looking for when they ask it. Do they want an answer? Are they really meaning to make a statement, like, "I don't know how you do it." or "You are absolutely certifiably insane." ?? Or do they want a list of what I do all day and how I do it? Do they want specific examples? A diagram? A youtube tutorial? Do they even understand that I am terribly under qualified to give any type of parenting how-to's?
Because of this, I've always given really vague answers, ie."We get up in the morning and go to bed at night...everything else just sort of happens."
But I've decided there are a few things that make what I do possible. Here they are:
1. Television---we watch way too much of it. My oldest has probably logged more cumulative tv time in his 9 years than Oprah. Ps. He is in an accelerated reading program and above grade level for writing. He spent his first few years watching Blues Clues and came out unscathed. It's a miracle.
2. Fruit Snacks---not the homemade-pinterest-really-dried-fruit nonsense. I'm talking gelatin, animal feet, preservatives...the real deal. I do not know how parents live without them. Truth.
3. Prayers---I say a million a day. I mean, obviously I need help. My kids are watching mindless brain sucking tube and eating animal hooves all day. I'm clueless and I need help...lots and lots and lots of help.
4. Husband---The man is an angel, sent to Earth so that I don't completely go off the deep end. He is the reason that we don't eat waffles for dinner every single night.
5. Mindless Fiction Novels---These keep me from losing my mind completely...except for secretly wondering if that girl who sold me the earrings at Claire's is an undercover shadowhunter and checking the abnormally tall guy at Target for molnija marks on his neck.
That's pretty much my list. That's how I get through. We love the heck out of our kids, take lots of short cuts and hope it all works out okay in the end. Now do you see why no one should ask me for parenting advice? Maybe number six will set me straight.