Occasionally though, I don't really think it's my fault. I mean, the math is simple. Humans need sleep. All humans...big humans and small humans. How was I to possibly know that I would be blessed with the five humans who defy the laws of nature and never need to sleep? See, I'm innocent!
But my kids aren't the only problem. There just seems to be some sort of sleep conspiracy. Kid.You.Not.
There are these rare moments in time where I actually get to lie down and rest during the day. Most days, these moments remain an illusive dream. And on some days, I will manage to get both little boys to sleep while the three wild things are still at school, but I force myself to be productive and use that time to do my dishes or laundry or what have you (even as I type the words, my fingers feel sick and shameful. what a waste of lovely sleep time). Then there are those few and far between moments, when I decide I am going to do it. I'm going to take a nap.
This is how it usually goes:
Little boys fall asleep, I have one hour before the bus comes, I lie down on the couch and start to doze off and one of the following things takes place:
1. The phone rings. It never fails. I will turn the ringer off on my cell...the home phone rings. I ignore the call because my home phone is usually only used by telemarketers...it turns out to be my tax guy. My refund will likely be delayed because I put off the call for twenty minutes.
2. The dog starts barking. If I lie there for long enough MAYBE he will stop...or maybe I can tune him out.
3. The door bell rings. Are you kidding me? Sometimes I forget I actually have a doorbell, because it only rings when I try to nap. I peak out the curtain and it's a random girl (maybe 11 or 12) standing on my front porch. I ignore it. The truth is, if I open the door I am a little afraid that I will kick her in the knee. So I go back and lie down. Then I start feeling guilty and all sorts of random scenarios run through my head: She is trying to raise money to go to florida and fulfill her life long dream of playing the clarinet and because I didn't buy her $17 box of cookies she will end up on the street. Or, she was approached by a stranger and ran to my house for help and now I am going to find her face on a milk carton. **As it turns out, she just wanted to play with my kids.
4. All of the above. I'm telling you it's the universe. My kids leave me alone for forty minutes and the rest of the world steps in to fill their shoes. Unbelievable.
On most days, this would make me angry. Today, I somehow still managed to get a little rest in between all the madness so it's just funny.