Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Who Needs Sleep?

Um, I do, for one. I know that our Heavenly Father has a perfect plan in place for each of us. Sometimes I really don't understand it. For example, I don't understand why He created our bodies to require sleep and then put us in situations where it is IMPOSSIBLE to do so. Then I remember that I was the one who wanted all these creatures of the night children and I kinda don't blame Him so much anymore.
Occasionally though, I don't really think it's my fault. I mean, the math is simple. Humans need sleep. All humans...big humans and small humans. How was I to possibly know that I would be blessed with the five humans who defy the laws of nature and never need to sleep? See, I'm innocent!
But my kids aren't the only problem. There just seems to be some sort of sleep conspiracy. Kid.You.Not.
There are these rare moments in time where I actually get to lie down and rest during the day. Most days, these moments remain an illusive dream. And on some days, I will manage to get both little boys to sleep while the three wild things are still at school, but I force myself to be productive and use that time to do my dishes or laundry or what have you (even as I type the words, my fingers feel sick and shameful. what a waste of lovely sleep time). Then there are those few and far between moments, when I decide I am going to do it. I'm going to take a nap.
This is how it usually goes:
Little boys fall asleep, I have one hour before the bus comes, I lie down on the couch and start to doze off and one of the following things takes place:
1. The phone rings. It never fails. I will turn the ringer off on my cell...the home phone rings. I ignore the call because my home phone is usually only used by turns out to be my tax guy. My refund will likely be delayed because I put off the call for twenty minutes.
2. The dog starts barking. If I lie there for long enough MAYBE he will stop...or maybe I can tune him out.
3. The door bell rings. Are you kidding me? Sometimes I forget I actually have a doorbell, because it only rings when I try to nap. I peak out the curtain and it's a random girl (maybe 11 or 12) standing on my front porch. I ignore it. The truth is, if I open the door I am a little afraid that I will kick her in the knee. So I go back and lie down. Then I start feeling guilty and all sorts of random scenarios run through my head: She is trying to raise money to go to florida and fulfill her life long dream of playing the clarinet and because I didn't buy her $17 box of cookies she will end up on the street. Or, she was approached by a stranger and ran to my house for help and now I am going to find her face on a milk carton. **As it turns out, she just wanted to play with my kids.
4. All of the above. I'm telling you it's the universe. My kids leave me alone for forty minutes and the rest of the world steps in to fill their shoes. Unbelievable.

On most days, this would make me angry. Today, I somehow still managed to get a little rest in between all the madness so it's just funny.


Kelli said...

Creatures of the night - I love it. You know I know - sleep deprivation just stinks. period. ugh. So so sorry, my friend. Love the bit about the lifelong dream of playing the clarinet and the $17 box of cookies. Those better be some GOOD cookies. :)

Bronwynn said...

The bottom line is..we just don't live close enough to each other. You are so funny. I know I have been one of those pople that have called you during your nap time. Oops! But now I know when to refrain from picking up the phone!

Amanda K. said...

my favorite line: "My kids leave me alone for forty minutes and the rest of the world steps in to fill their shoes. Unbelievable."

the little girl on the porch who could have been approached by a stranger reminded me of when that happened to brandon c.

Jenny Ramsey said...

Amanda, that is EXACTLY what made me think of it in the first place.