Thursday, August 30, 2012

A New Idea of Perfection

We had an ultrasound this morning. We are having a boy. Another boy. Five BOYS. Yep.

So here's the truth. A few weeks ago we had an ultrasound. I was about 13 weeks. We totally saw boy stuff. The ultrasound tech told us not to go painting anything blue BUT...

At first, I was shocked...and a little sad. It wasn't that I didn't want a boy. It's just that I REALLY wanted a girl. I have bins upon bins of adorable girly clothes. I have bows and tights and skirts and pink things. I wanted to use them. I wanted Suzy to have a sister. I thought that having another girl would create balance. Every family needs balance right? Everyone insisted this baby was a girl. Even my friend who is NEVER wrong about my babies thought it was a girl. We were all convinced. So when the ultrasound tech said boy, I got a lump in my throat.

Even though we pretty much knew, we held off on telling people and decided to wait until our next ultrasound. During that time, I tried to keep my feelings neutral. The truth is it was SO not neutral. I would swing like a pendulum. One minute I'd be totally excited for another boy. Suzy and I would remain the queens. Boys are so fun and wonderful, etc.  The next minute I would be holding back tears thinking about the little girl things that I would never use again. The sweet name that I would never get to call out. The total imbalance in the family (balanced families are weird ya'll...just sayin'). And back and forth it went.

When we went in today I was prepared. So when we saw "it" I knew exactly what I was looking at...it's not like I haven't seen a few in my time. Mike and I chuckled. I've been chuckling ever since. Mother's intuition? It doesn't exist you guys. People who say "I just KNEW I was having ..." and they were right? Guess what? It's a 50/50 shot. Maybe I just missed the intuition boat. Who knows? But this is what I will say. I thought that I really wanted a girl. I thought that was exactly what our family needed to be whole and perfect. I was wrong.

Because here is what I know. I know that God knows who I need and who needs me. I know that my family is perfect because He designed it, not me. I know that when I hold my son it will not be possible for me to love him more. I know because I've been blessed to experience that five times now. And I am so incredibly blessed to be able to experience it one more time.

I watched his little legs kicking on the ultrasound. Yeah, I made those legs. They are perfect and beautiful...just like him. I can't wait to hold him. I can't wait to kiss him. I can't wait to learn from him and maybe I'll get really lucky and I'll get to teach him something too.

I feel blessed far beyond what I deserve. I am so thankful to my Heavenly Father for giving me another chance with motherhood. I am thankful that He trusts me. I am thankful that He knows who I need and who needs me. I am proud to announce that I am expecting ANOTHER baby and that baby is a BOY!

8 comments:

Jenny said...

Jen, this post almost brought me to tears. So very true that Heavenly Father knows exactly who needs to come to our family -- and who we need. Well, one thing is for sure, you were right about who was coming to our family, so don't sell yourself too short :)

Janae @ Bring-Joy said...

Another boy! happy day. so happy for you. never can have to many good, clean, boys on this earth!

Kelli said...

Awww...You guys make such cute boys! Abby says she wishes she had a sister too, but I remind her that she will have friends in her life that feel just like having a sister. Friendships like ours. :-) can't wait to meet this new baby. Does he have an official nickname yet?

Heather said...

Such great perspective!!! You are such a great person! So happy for you guys!!

Bronwynn said...

All I can say Jenny is that you are amazing. Sisters do not have to be genetically related. Look at you and me! This little Rmasey boy will be so adorable. Can't wait to see him! Thanks for giving me a boost. I needed it today.

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